You can put your weed in there

by AC

Working as a sales assistant at a Smiggle kiosk I serve a lot of customers, and almost every day I work I get at least one odd customer.

 

One day when I was alone, I had this very intoxicated man stumble into the kiosk. From the look in his bloodshot eyes and the way he was moving and talking I was pretty sure he was on drugs and not drunk as I had first assumed.

 

He was carrying a backpack (probably full of drugs), was covered in tattoos, including two tear drops under an eye and kept leaning into my personal space.

 

My town was finally living up to its bad reputation and I wondered if I should start to worry about when I have to work by myself. The worst part about this guy was that he hadn’t just been attracted to the bright colours; he had intentionally come into the store.

 

He started asking me about our Booksafes, which are safes disguised as books. I showed him our current range and he said he would come back to get one. He then asked if we had some kind of iPhone cover and realising we didn’t he left, making sure I understood that he was going to check JB Hifi.

 

After he was gone, all I could wonder was if he had wanted to hide his drugs in the Booksafe and I wished I had quoted Adam Sandler in The Hot Chick saying, ‘you can put yourweed in there’ to him.

 

If you think you would enjoy a little thrill of danger in your work life, then a sales assistant job is for you.

We think it was a Chocolate Bar: Part two

by AC

I once came a across a mound of dirt, just sitting on our safety mat on the floor. I could not fathom where it could have come from, it was hilarious. I had to take a moment to stare at it before I cleaned it up with a brush and shovel.

 

I later had a fellow Smiggler explain to me that it must have been from the shopping centre’s holiday planting activity, which had been set up for children not too far from the kiosk.

 

Another time I was walking around dusting and straightening products when I happened upon a cigarette butt sitting on a shelf. I had no idea how it got there or why but it went straight into the bin.

 

The most exciting mess I ever discovered was on the floor between our kiosk and a Priceline store. I was with another Smiggler and we were fascinated by this thing on the ground that looked like it should have been in a toilet.

 

Picture this flattened

 

We enthusiastically discussed what it could be, while watching as it was trampled by a stampede of shoppers. We finally settled on a chocolate bar when my fellow Smiggler suggested it looked like a flattened Cadbury Flake. We then called the cleaners who came and made it disappear.

 

If you would like to find interesting messes at work, get a job at a kiosk in a shopping centre.

Boost battle Beauty

by AC

I am unfortunate enough to have a job at a Smiggle kiosk that has been placed right next to a Boost Juice kiosk.

 

Boost Juice workers love to lure their customers with loud music (or maybe they’re just trying to drown out the incessant grinding of multiple blenders and the sound of them thumping juice out of containers and into their customer’s cups.)

 

Whatever the reason, I am subjected to a constant heavy bass drone that has me asking customers to repeat themselves and covering an ear so I can hear what people are saying to me over the phone. It’s enough to drive a poor Smiggler mad.

 

 

 

VS

 

 

 

 

I thought this was as bad as it could get, until one day at work I heard this horrible jumble of songs, as if Boost Juice was playing music from two different places. I wondered if the second source of music could be coming from the My Beauty Spot kiosk that had recently appeared on the other side of Boost Juice.

 

My manager confirmed this when she described her conversation with Boost’s manager to me. Apparently the two kiosks are competing with the volume of their music.

 

I understand that the businesses want to attract customers to their store and not lose them to the one next door with the louder music, but there’s no need for this battle of beats.

 

If you want to be able to hear yourself think at work, DO NOT get a job close to a Boost Juice bar or My Beauty Spot store.

We think it was a Chocolate Bar: Part one

by AC

When you work at a Smiggle kiosk in the middle of a shopping centre and right beside a food court, with a Muffin Break on one side and a Boost Juice kiosk on the other, you have to expect it to get messy.

 

With customers constantly bringing in food and drinks and passersby too lazy and inconsiderate to find a bin, you can imagine some of the things we have found.

 

We get heaps of Gold Buyers’ flyers and scrunched up food wrappers lying on our shelves, rubbish from Donut King and Wendys left on the top of the kiosk and we are forever finding Boost Juice cups throughout the store. I even found chewing gum stuck to our Smiggle display glass once (we like to draw and write on this with our Liquid Chalk.)

 

 

With children handling ice creams and drinks we also get a lot of spills. I had to call the cleaners once when a girl’s ice cream had fallen from her cone onto the floor in front of our gift pack wall and my manager had to call them another time when a girl had thrown a milkshake at her brother.

 

To find out about some of the weirder messes I’ve found at work, continue on to: We think it was a Chocolate Bar: Part two...

Top 5 Most Popular Smiggle Products for Boys

by AC

I work at Smiggle, a funky stationery brand that caters to children of all ages. Recently, I have noticed a lot of customers asking what they can get for boys. We do get a lot more female than male customers, but boys are just as enthusiastic about Smiggle products as girls.
To help Smiggle customers who are unsure of what to get for a boy, I have constructed this list, counting down 5 to 1, the top 5 most popular Smiggle products for boys.


NO. 5

No. 5 - Pop out Pencil Case
The Pop out Pencil Case is a top seller and a favourite with all school children. It comes with a built in compass and has two buttons, one which opens the built in sharpener and the other that pops up a plastic pencil holder.

NO. 4

No. 4 – Hardtop Pencil Case (medium)
The medium Hardtop Pencil Case has been a top seller the entire time I have worked at Smiggle. There are a few different styles and designs; the bubble, bubble with coloured zip, moonscape and spots. These pencil cases have loads of space, pen and pencil holders and mesh pockets.

NO. 3

No 3. Slapbands
We have lot of customers come in just to buy Slapbands. Customers can accessorise with our large range of different colours and styles (we even have spiky and glow in the dark Slapbands).

NO. 2

No 2. Electric Eraser
We have had lots of boys coming in store specifically to buy Electric Erasers; I think they’ve become somewhat of a fad in primary schools. They work with a light touch to paper and are very handy for erasing mistakes quickly.

NO.1

No 1. Snake Puzzle

The Snake Puzzle is one of our top sellers and one of my personal favourite products. I cannot tell you how many quiet hours at work I have spent making balls, dogs and pythons out of a Snake Puzzle. I can remember a time when the Snake Puzzle was out of stock and we had boys, girls and parents regularly coming in to check if we had received any. You can mould the Snake Puzzle into loads of different shapes.

Pictures from Smiggle

Backyard Chickens

Chickens have been a regular fixture in our backyard for about 9 years now, and have provided us with many, many lovely fresh eggs. But it has only been recently that we have looked at their food producing capacity in a different light.

The first step was to procure a roster, which wasn’t too hard – our next door neighbour sourced one for us and popped it over the fence. One minute we had three chooks, the next, we had four, just like that.

He was really only a teenager and he hadn’t started crowing yet, but after a few months he found his voice and figured out what he was supposed to be doing. We thought we would wait until one of the hens went broody and decided to sit on some eggs, but in the end, we were way too impatient and set up the incubator.

Into the incubator went six eggs, two from each hen. After seven days we candled the eggs to see which ones were fertile and had developing embryos. Two were definitely developing, one we weren’t sure about because the shell was so thick it was hard to see through, and the other three looked like they were not happening.

Courtesy of Rachel Gay

At the ten day mark, we candled again. We decided to get rid of the three that weren’t showing any signs, and keep the other three.  We could see the embryos moving around in the two we were sure about, which was kind of freaky!

On the 19^th day, they started peeping. We could hear them through the shell and the incubator. Then, they started to pip, which is when they start breaking through the shell. It can take up to 24 hours from this stage for them to hatch out.

Day 20, one day early, two little soggy black chicks broke free from their shells. The third chick, in the shell that was so thick we couldn’t see through it properly, was the first one to pip, but was really struggling to get out of the shell. 24 hours after the first crack, we decided we had to help. You should only help if the chick really cannot get out on its own, otherwise you could hurt it.

We gently peeled back small sections of shell using tweezers and keeping the membrane damp using wet paper towels. After we had removed a section of shell, the chick was able to get a leg out, and from there it was able to do the rest by itself.

Now we have three little fluff balls that are getting bigger and more inquisitive every day! There are eight more eggs in the incubator, and we are looking forward to tucking into the first roast chook that has grown up in our backyard!

 If you are interested in having your own backyard chooks for eggs, meat or both, there is some great information at  Backyard Poultry, and there are many local groups that you can find by searching on Facebook. 

By EB

Meeting Tim Winton

Source: Penguin Books Australia

By Olivia. C
Last night, I had the privilege of attending a live interview with the one, the only Tim Winton. Held in Melbourne's grand Town Hall, it was understandably packed with a hundred or so of Winton's avid fans. Assuming I was going to get a front row seat I arrived fifteen minutes early, only to find that the crowd had well and truly beat me to it. A photo with the man himself, and as I later found out, an opportunity to get my book personally signed was clearly out of the question.

Conducted by the Director of The Wheeler Centre Michael Williams, the interview was a discussion based on Tim Winton’s latest novel, Eyrie. Having bought a ticket weeks in advance, I had decided not to read Eyrie until I had received my signed copy on the night. A decision I soon regretted.

Like ABC’s first Tuesday book club, the interview focussed largely on the finer details of Eyrie such as the protagonist’s relationships with other characters and other themes of the novel. I found this mildly disappointing, as I was not only completely unfamiliar with the storyline but I was also hoping to hear more about Tim Winton’s life as a writer. Like how he finds inspiration for his novels, his writing process or even how he handles writer’s block and procrastination.  I wanted to know more about the author, not the novel.

Having studied some of his work in High School (Lockie Leonard: Scumbuster in Year seven and Minimum of Two in Year eleven), I had slowly come to love Tim Winton’s style of writing. I had always thought that he was a big tosser, living it up in Western Australia.  From all of the sycophantic reviews I had read, it was definitely how I imagined him to be. However, as I sat there in the audience last night I saw a side to Tim Winton I didn’t expect. Something that none of the reviews had previously revealed.

A snapshot from the interview. Tim Winton (Left) Michael Williams (Right) Source: Twitter @PenguinBooksAus

Out of the all reviews I’d read and of all the interviews I’m seen on TV, I had no idea that Tim Winton was uncomfortable with public speaking. He unashamedly admitted this as he took to the stage. Whether it was nerves or the bright stage lights, this fear was soon assuaged as he began reading the first few pages of Eyrie.

Book reviews aside, Tim Winton is just like you and me. The only difference being that he’s a household name and you and I are not.

As the interview progressed, more was revealed. A brief insight into Tim’s personal life, his opinions on past Australian politics and the editing process behind Eyrie was presented to the audience. Before too long, the interview had come to an end.

If I could take anything away from last night, it’s that when it comes to Tim Winton there is more than meets the eye. Tim Winton is many things, but he is (thankfully) not the tosser his reviewers make him out to be.

5 Games Missing Small Features that would make a World of Difference

1. Hotline Miami

Source: official playstation magazine

Hotline Miami is an indie game that took the gaming world by storm. Many people praised its brutal combat and amazing OST. Since it did so well it was ported from the PC to Xbox 360, PS3 and PS Vita.

Unfortunately it was a one to one port. I say unfortunately because the controls weren't adapted at all when making the switch. The aiming suddenly turned from intuitive to frustrating.

What they need is to add a laser sight showing where Jacket is aiming.

My Thoughts On: First Person Shooters

They're the big hitters. Call Of Duty, Battlefield, Counterstrike. What do they all have in common? They all have a huge online multiplayer scene. Their success in the market lives and dies on how many people play multiplayer. Everyone I know seems to play it in one way or another. Its market saturation is ridiculous. Their single player campaigns are not talked about much. Spec Ops: The Line was one the few to get praise for its single player story at all.

Their multiplayer is clearly the seller. Is it just the appeal of killing random people and playing with friends? Is it using VoIP to insult people as you end their kill streak? Perhaps I'd understand if I was any good at them.

I know that feel bro.

 On one level I understand the idea of competitive play. I understand how it feels to be so in tune with a game's mechanics that friends no longer want to play with you. I understand wanting to find people of a higher level to pit yourself against. I understand the thrill when you play particularly well or dominate a match. I'm not a fan of FPS's, but I get it, I really do.

This needs to not be a thing, ever.

FPS's and players in general get a bad rap and I don't really think it's fair. Sure they saturate the market and their advertising is a little obnoxious, but I think there is some merit to at least the competitive side of FPS gaming.

-Stephen Snook

Love & Other Bruises

Tess Duncan

I went into Readings to buy a book, Craig Sherborne’s new novel ‘The Amateur Science of Love‘. I couldn’t be bothered with a self-help search amongst the displays so approached the counter, a woman served me eventually and I stated my request.

 

She looked puzzled, but earnest, queried the book’s title and author. I repeated them and added the publisher. ‘No, No. They didn’t have it’. She checked on Google, The book didn’t exist. I re-stated the title. I assured her that Google knew of it.

 

 ‘Oh Right…. ‘. Keys clicked. ‘No Nothing’

‘The Amateur Science …of Life’??. is ..

 
‘…of Love’.

 

‘Oh of Love??? What’s the title again?’

 
 I repeated it.
 

 ‘Aah’, she looked inspired. ‘I know where to find it’, approached the shop’s Science section.

 ‘No’, I said, ‘It’s not a science book’.

 Puzzlement increasing, she renewed her efforts with the shop’s data base. More conversation as we sorted out the word ‘amateur’.

 ‘Ah we have it’, she announced triumphantly. ‘It is somewhere in the shop. We’ll find it’.

 

A re-assuring smile anticipating success, she sped to self-help section. ‘No’, I said, ‘It won’t be there, unless it’s under self-assisted suicides’. She soldiered bravely on.

 

Abandoning all hope, I wandered over to Joyce Carol Oates’ recent publication, ‘The Widow’s Story’ chronicling her struggle to adjust to her husband’s sudden passing. The cover of the book, white with gold embossing looked appropriate for a death. I clutched it underarm.

 

After many consultations between the staff and an apparent total shop dismantlement, the book eventually surrendered. It was laid on the shop counter with great ceremony like captured battle standards from Culloden, signifying both the victory and the rout. Someone’s fight had been won. It wasn’t mine though.

 

Having already garnered some knowledge that the book’s contents recount a black love story, I mused on the wit of the cover, two galahs; pretty colours, pretty birds, but still galahs.

 

The book’s back cover blurb, complemented by the critics’ reviews, gave the warning that can be summarised as ‘this is saturated pain’. As promised, the love sickness descriptions contained the appropriate devastation of the human heart.

I made it to page fifty-five. I have enough devastation of my own.

 I think I’ll try Joyce.

http://textpublishing.com.au/books-and-authors/book/the-amateur-science-of-love/

The Stagnation of Intelligence

Source: Mod DB

Video games have advanced a lot over the past ten years. Graphics, physics, animations and net code have all advanced exponentially over the years. But artificial intelligence hasn't had any big leaps since F.E.A.R. came out. A game which was released eight years ago. I don't think I need to elaborate on just how long this is in relation to technology. There's a good reason for this too. 

My Rum Diary – Part Two

By Mandy DelVecchio

So there we were, 7 days into our Cuban adventure, 6 nights of rum drinking under our belt and yet still plagued by the distasteful and seemingly antisocial ‘rum face'. Something had to give.

Week two, after a grueling 19-hour train ride, we landed on the shores of the colourful and historical Caribbean city of Santiago de Cuba. Having made contact with our host and with the knowledge that later in the evening we would be attending a street fiesta – which would of course involve rum, my compadres and I decided then and there that we would not leave the casa until we had removed our rum face.

We bought a bottle of the local rum – which was an even finer drop than Havana Club, made our way to the rooftop of the casa we were staying in, where we set up 3 deck chairs and began to pass the bottle. The evening was thick and balmy and the mood was light. One swig after another my sister, my best mate and myself consumed the bottle of rum, each time attempting a smoother passage than the previous. We didn’t stop drinking until we were certain we’d accomplished our mission.

Perhaps it was the practice, perhaps it was our cheerleading or perhaps it was the fact that by the end we were so completely blotto, we couldn’t feel a thing. I can’t be too sure. But whatever it was, I am sure of one thing – on that rooftop that steamy night, we sipped and slugged and slurped, suave, suave, until we’d exorcised our rum face.

For the following 21 days we drank like pirates, we danced like Cubans and we never again screwed up our faces. Affectionately named the three hermanas cubana, our rum drinking had gained us the rites of passage and we became honorary citizens. Salut!

                                                                ...


Needless to say since then I have acquired a taste for rum. However, nothing this side of the planet has even come close to experience we shared on that little island they call the ‘Pearl of the Caribbean’…

That was until one evening recently in Melbourne. It was a warm night and the three of us had gotten together for a drink. After a few beers, and a wander through Fitzroy, we stumbled across Los Barbudos –an oasis amongst the northside hipster conventionality.

A dimly lit bar at the city end of Smith Street, Los Barbudos – named after Fidel Castro's beloved baseball team, has managed to capture the essence of Cuba. More importantly Los Barbudos has managed to capture the essence of drinking rum! Their cocktail list is amazing and every one featuring the juice of Cuba. Fortunately one does not have to exorcise their rum face before downing any of these masterpieces, as they are deliciously easy to drink.

So what happened when the three hermanas cubana found Los Barbudos? They sat in the dark and drank their weekly wage in Papa Hemingway Dacquiris. And while reminiscing over the trip of a lifetime, many a face was screwed!

My Rum Diary – Part One.

By Mandy DelVecchio

Our first night in Cuba was a celebration in many respects – I had travelled across the globe from Melbourne, my sister from London and my best mate from Japan, the three of us had not had a drink together in over two years. On top of that we were finally in Havana, Cuba, a dream in itself! So with cause enough for celebration, the accent turned quickly toward what to drink – isn’t it obvious? When in Cuba… drink rum!

We headed to the nearest shop – and I use the word ‘shop’ extremely loosely, remembering we were in a communist country and most ‘shops’ in Cuba consist of so few items they’d more correctly be labeled a ‘storeroom’. Thankfully for us, one of the items that always feature heavily in a Cuban ‘storeroom’ was rum.

For around AUS$5 we bought one bottle of Havana Club, one bottle of unrecognisable cola and a handful of limes. We made our way back to our casa with our wares and prepared for a celebration. We spent that first evening catching up and consuming the only rum cocktail we knew of,  the cuba libre.

Much to our liking, we very quickly learned that drinking rum was less of a celebration and more of a past time in Cuba.

While the cuba libres served their purpose for the first few evenings of our month long journey, after making Cuban friends and spending a lot of time amongst the locals, we soon discovered two things:

1. Rum was going to be offered to us regularly and in varying circumstances – it would prove way too difficult to carry around a bottle of cola everywhere we went; and 
2. Rum was sold on every corner and was cheap, cheaper than cola and beer and more readily available than water.

We were going to have to learn to drink rum the way the Cubans drink rum – all day, every day... and neat.

Determined to fit in with our new Cuban friends, we started to accept the offers of rum. Morning noon and night, bottles were flung in our face along with the words ‘suave, suave’, meaning ‘smooth’.

On a daily basis we were coaxed to take small sips of the rum, and we obliged. However, the motion of swilling rum from the bottle like a pirate, involuntarily brought on a contortion in our faces that we affectionately coined “the rum face”. Although the rum face brought great entertainment to our Cuban friends – they splattered and giggled as they watched us struggle to be suave, suave with our rum ingestion, it started to bring us great shame.

We had to get rid of our rum face.