Bats, Bogans and Burnouts: Welcome to Suburban Hell

-        By Olivia. C

Source: Google images

If you were given the choice of living in the country or in suburbia, what would you choose? After returning from a six-year stint at Boarding School in Western Victoria (or "jail" as my Grandpa once put it), I would have to go with the former. A city girl who wants to live in the country? Who would've thought!

But it's true. Yet it wasn't always so.

After being acquainted with the almost ear –ringing silence of the country, I have come to realise that the ‘burbs aren’t what they seem. Peace and quiet, along with mutual respect towards others and the general upkeep of one’s nature strip are all but lost on some in my neighbourhood. A silent consensus that nature strips should be left to their own devices and become a safety hazard to others seems to be ok. No one seems to mind that their nature strips are becoming nature “paddocks”, with knee-high grass and overgrown weeds spilling out onto the road. An emphasis on letting nature take its course over public safety is certainly evident here.

If bushwhacking through one’s nature strip wasn’t bad enough, wait until you meet the neighbours. In most parts of suburbia, considerate neighbours are becoming a rare species. Their extinction is imminent, with the Bogan take over well under way. With the sound of engines revving, tires screeching and lonesome dogs barking all day and all night you can be sure that a decent night’s sleep in my street is out of the question.

Yet despite the immense despair and irritation my neighbours inflict, a new element has been thrown into the suburban works. “Billy” the bat (otherwise known as a common Pipistrelle bat) is one night time fiend who is a big believer in the element of surprise. If it weren’t for my ninja- like peripheral vision, I would be oblivious to Billy’s swift but silent relays between the kitchen and the living room. A tiny brown bat, “Billy” is by no means a welcome houseguest. He may be a harmless little critter, but “Billy” terrifies me nonetheless.

Source: Google images

Who knows what will happen to “Billy” in the coming weeks. Perhaps he will move out and terrorise the neighbours next door. Or perhaps he will be eaten by one of the cats. Who knows, but both options are equally as good. If only the next-door Bogan paradox could be as easily resolved as getting rid of a bat. But I guess that’s the joy of living in suburbia for you.